I came from a disfunctional family. My family was very poor, I was often embarrassed at school because I did not have the nicest clothes. As I was growing up they often made fun of me, saying I thought I was better than them. Actually I did. I was convinced that as soon as I could I was out of there, and I was. I left home at 16 and moved into an apartment over my best friends grandparents house. Through my friends I found how other families interacted. I wanted that badly. I just basically wanted someone to love me.
My life was good in highschool. I had a job, I did whatever I wanted, and I had the best friends ever. I fit in, in a very strange way. I was by no means popular, but I didn't care anymore who thought what of me. Highschool was fun. Senior year though promised to be dramatic. I was in total love. So what does a disfunctional person do when something is good in their life? They sabotage it. I mean who deserves to be happy? I was in love with a younger man and I graduated before he did. His parents loved me, but really didn't want us to be together. Hurting him has always been the biggest regret in my life (as you read the rest you will wonder how that could be my biggest regret), but truly it is, although if the path taken was different, then our lives would be different and I'm sure things are not meant to be different. I don't know, there is way to much philosophy in this line of thinking so I need to move on to the next topic.
I lived in a run down house on my own, planning to take a year off and then go to college. Always a big mistake. I met my future ex-husband and father of my babies. I had had other boyfriends, and they were all great. I actually interviewed him for a job at Taco Bell where I was a manager (oh yes I was livin' the dream) Short story, I got pregnate. We got married. I wanted so much to have the family that I never had that I worked my @ss off to make sure it happened. Our marraige was kind of bland. I was dramatic and over reacted to everything, he reacted to nothing. I worried about bills, he didn't. I kept jobs and worked hard, he didn't. It was doomed from the start, but we really did try. Almost 10 years of trying. We joined a church. I was a Sunday School teacher. (I know try not to gasp too loudly). I did everything I could to make my life look like my ideal image. Yet I was not happy...I had known true love, so the alternative was bland.
I would of stayed married to Husband number one forever, because I didn't believe in divorce. I was a christian, it was my duty to work and try harder. Right before I became pregnate with child number 3 I was going to leave. I knew our marraige was done. I needed more, and he definately could not fulfill me. (as I look back on it I realize it was myself that needed to find happiness and it had nothing to do with another person). While I was pregnate I was in a state of denial for 3 months. I had my boy and my girl, I was done. Well God had other ideas, and my baby who I love more than life was born.
When J was born (I cannot use names on the internet due to privacy issues) I felt so guilty about the aminosity I felt while pregnate. As soon as I saw him I fell in love. A Blake Shelton song "my baby" always reminds me of him. He is my baby. He ended up being really sick, he had an interrupted aortic arch (which means he was missing part of his aorta) and a VSD (heart murmer) He had surgery when he was three days old. My old christian commitment came back to me and I made every bargain to the Big Guy to let my baby live. My baby is meant to be famous or infamous, only time will tell.
After the J, drama, Husband number 1 was diagnosed with his own heart problems and had to have surgery. As such the medical bills, the addiction to the pain meds, my own self centeredness, and once again I was the only one working for anything. Our marraige didn't last long after that.
Honestly I loved being single after the break. I had three awesome divorce parties, thanks Dee and David for the stripper. I met one of my current Best friends there, Love you Kerry Chai. I also loved Men. I dated a lot. It was fun. I paid my own bills, was completely independent and Husband number one did not pay child support, yet he was involved in his kids lives. I was happy. I had a couple of serious relationships. The first was Charlie. Oh Charlie, how I loved me some Charlie. We had a Blast together, yet it wasn't meant to be. He moved away, but I got over it.
Five years after the break with Douche bag number one, I met the newest man of my dreams. I met him at a local bar that I frequented whenever the kids were with Douche number one. This man knocked me off of my feet. He was good looking, smooth talking, had a country accent, and was exceptionally intelligent. He was the man every girl dreams about. He moved in with me after 2 weeks and we were married 3 weeks later. (yeah I know, that was incredibly smart, like I said before, I'm impulsive)
At first it was great, he was an awesome step-father. He seemed to love my kids. All of our activities were family oriented. He had a great job, I had a great job (that I busted my ass to get). Everything was storybook material....until our first fight. I'm not even sure what the fight was about, it was just a small arguement, nothing like the drag out fights I used to have with douche 1. Suddenly I was choked unconsious. As I came to I could not even understand what had happened, to make a point he did it again. (see he used to be a mixed martial arts trainer) After that, I changed. Not for the good. At first I was outraged. I had done a background check before we got married, yet he lied about what state he was from. I started investigating him on my own. What I found was a horror story. He had a trail of women who he abused and some almost killed.
I told my babies dad. At this time we were friends, and it really did involve him too. I went to work one friday, the kids went that weekend to B's. I acted like nothing was wrong, went to the grandview police department and pressed charges. He was out before Monday. B actually went to court with me and helped me by letting me stay with him. That monday my car was stolen from work. Can you imagine the embarrassment of having to tell your boss that your husband is a psycho. Halee a chick on my team took me to the police department and stayed the two hours it took to file the report.
The police were not going to do anything. According to them it was marital property (even though it was mine before I met the loser). Unfortunately for him the tags expired the day after he stole the car. A policeman got behind him, he panicked and drove through 4 counties in a high speed chase in my little red cavalier. He jumped a hill dukes of hazzard style and completely trashed my car. This time he went to jail on a felony for endangering police and resisting arrest.
There is more to come later....I have shared enough for tonight.
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